This is still about the DP discussion around Sakshi’s post, but it’s Part 2. (Yes, that’s in case you didn’t read the post title.)
Most of Sakshi’s defenders (and she herself, for that matter!) in that discussion talk about how she’s only being pragmatic, because it’s a big bad world out there. They say yes, work for change, but till that change occurs, take these ‘precautions’. Falstaff is right, there’s no proof that these precautions work. And he is right, again, that Sakshi is laying the door open to victim-blaming. But this post is not about that. It’s about changing the big bad world.
You see, refusing to accept the myth that there are ‘precautions’ one can take to avoid being harassed is the first step to changing the big bad world. Claiming my freedom to walk where I wish, dressed as I wish, is the first step. Because unless we acknowledge that harassment happens everywhere, all the time, how can we change the big bad world?
You see, standing up to the bully is the only thing that will make him back down. And till there are no more bullies on our streets, what we need to do is not to hide, but to confront. That is why it is not pragmatic to ‘take precautions’, it is pragmatic to refuse to be cowed down.
You see, most of the ‘precautions’ we are told to take are born of fear. And the responsible thing to do would be to face this fear. Whether we face it down or give in to it, never to let it hide under the name of pragmatism.
You see, being seen, making yourself heard, these are the sensible things to do. Claiming your rights, refusing to have to ‘pay’ for them, are sensible things to do. And being sensible is not something you do while you wait for the world to get better, it is how you change the big bad world.
10 responses so far ↓
Saakshi O. Juneja // January 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Yippeee…and now we have a solution and its so darn easy. Now lets all get drunk and make merry (and this bit I say for men as well, in case some of you(s) may take offense once again).
T.R.J. Nair // January 9, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Admittedly “change” happens in only one way, and that is the way you’ve outlined, for the most part. But “change” is never a smooth, easy transition, I think.
A bully will not be cowed merely by someone standing up to that bully. The bully might simply decide that he is facing a minor insurrection that must be put down, and will go as far as he dares in that attempt, before he admits he can’t bully anymore.
The first slave to stand up for his rights was probably shot in cold blood and never heard of again. The tenth slave probably had more success and made it into the history books.
Some day, at some point, there will be a rape or a similar kind of sexual offence, that shocks the public (even your average male) and brings this issue sharply into the public eye, and has the effect of moving social attitudes and possibly the law forward. (This incident may be that case, but I doubt it).
The question is, does any individual really want to be that one rape victim? Is it easier to decide, from an individual point of view, that there is enough about life worth living, not to risk most of it being taken away, in aid of being an instrument of change? It’s what most subjugated sections of society have thought for generations?
They’d rather wait for those few brave women willing to test whichever boundaries they seek to renegotiate.
maithri // January 9, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Sakshi, I honestly don’t have a response to that. Really, not even a teeny bit of a temptation to smile at the winking smiley.
Mr. Nair, no quarrels with what you’ve said, till the last paragraph but one. I still give in, many a time, to the fear that what I do may, in some way, cause me to be raped. Sometimes that fear is irrational, sometimes not. But there it is. All I’m saying is, recognise it for what it is – fear. Don’t give it another name, because the least we can do is to stop blaming the brave women who faced down that fear.
Saakshi O. Juneja // January 10, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Maithri – Okay, on a serious note.
I feel you are “thinking” too much into it and thereby believing something that isn’t there in the first place.
Once again emphasizing, “no one is blaming the victims here”…the only point made is that one should take the “safety” matter seriously be it a man or a woman. I seriously fail to understand why such a logical point is being in stead taken as “giving up one’s right”.
You and I and many reading our blogs believe in “rights”…”equality” etc however there are also those who think otherwise. So therefore one needs to take care against those who think differently. Do as your heart feels but also watch out for those who might harm you – and again, this is not resigning your right to be equal.
As for the brave women, hats off to them.
Ps…if you get time, do read this. It’s written by a friend who was with me at the same party on New Years Eve.
PPs…didn’t intend to offend, just that I am too sort off frustrated over being misquoted by the so called “educated” ones.
maithri // January 10, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Sakshi, I won’t go into whether your post itself leads to victim-blaming – you’ve made it abundantly clear that that was not your intention. I also won’t go into what I think of drunk people; it’s not pertinent.
What I’m saying is that to keep watching your back, and to advise others to watch theirs, is not a solution. On the other hand, it feeds into the fear-of-rape which is patriarchy’s most used weapon to keep women down.
It is perhaps difficult to give safety advice to women without feeding into that fear. But a good first step would be not to mix up one’s disgust at an incident of harassment with one’s opinions on the behaviour of women (drunk or otherwise). And if we can’t do that, then not to say anything at all.
ideasmith // January 11, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Hi maithri, just want to put in my two-bit here. I wasn’t proposing a blanket solution any more than I think Sakshi was. These were general observations. What’s more, these are precautions I take and ask my friends to, as well. I know the world isn’t in ship-shape order and perhaps some things are changing, but in the meantime all of us need to watch our backs. Obviously it would be great if we didn’t have to but dropping one’s defenses isn’t any solution either. ‘Nuff said.
tangled // January 17, 2008 at 8:35 am
Yay.
I’m so glad you wrote this. It’s what the blank noise project is a bout, really. Teaching women that they shouldn’t have to conform to feel safe. Safety should be guaranteed because THEY LIVE IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY!
I’ve said this somewhere else, but – Isn’t it the point of civilization that we don’t have to fear for our safety every time we step out of our homes?
Being careful is not a solution to anything.
tangled // January 17, 2008 at 8:36 am
*about, dammit
maithri // January 18, 2008 at 11:00 am
Amen! And as a follow-up, http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/01/five-reasons-why-teach-women-self.html
tangled // January 27, 2008 at 7:01 am
Second person to direct me to that site in two days!
That slapping post really made me unhappy. The comments, rather.
I don’t know what to do. What are we supposed to do?
I hate all these people telling us what to do. What right? Wish I could actually sit and pick your brain on this. People don’t talk about this stuff enough.
Ugh ugh too much to rant about. I am going to write a post. Please keep an eye on the blog.